My Breaking Dawn
by Jo-x-anna
Summary: I couldn't quite wait for Breaking Dawn to come out, so I settled for writing my own versions of the scenes which were predetermined. The following scene is all about Bella's transformation - there are 2 short chapters. PLEASE review!
1. Apprehensions

Apprehensions

Edward's hands were placed gently on either of my shoulders. I was just glad for the comfort of his company, and grateful that he was prepared to be here at all. I gazed into his eyes, so light today they resembled melted butter, and tried anxiously to read his expression. I detected most strongly his unwavering concern for me, but I also found–despite daring to hope otherwise–a visible trace of uncertainty.

I could tell my own eyes gave away the fear I felt, and that this was the cause of Edward's reluctance. I knew he would have to be satisfied that my readiness was absolute before going through with this and hence changing my existence for eternity. And I was ready… _wasn't I_? Frustration coursed through me as I found such a question even suggesting itself. I had already reasoned this out in my head a hundred times, but naturally, now the moment was here, fear was threatening to outweigh all sense. I just needed one final moment to order my thoughts and remind myself why it was I knew I hadto do this.

Closing my eyes in an attempt to pull myself together, I concentrated on taking one long and rather shaky breath in. Then I paused. With devastation, I slipped into letting myself contemplate the idea that I might _never_ be ready "enough" to satisfy Edward. I began to wonder if my trying to be brave was itself foolish. I was just Bella after all; weak, vulnerable Bella. I would never be half what Edward was.

So was that it, was I just going to let us both down on account of my own insecurities? This supposition fuelled a new surge of anger, which in turn sparked an unexpected determination inside of me. I asked myself:_ Isn't this the moment I've been anticipating all this time? _And more specifically, I thought, it was the moment which would change my life–while a debatable choice of word–undeniably for the _better_. Sure, it was daunting to think that soon and for some time I would be a different person; someone I could never truly know until the change was permanent. And perhaps it was fair to say that where the transformation was concerned, "agony" was an understatement. But I had to remember that the pain was only temporary, and ultimately, only physical. I knew that in the long run, backing out of this would only result in psychological pain that was far worse. And that was not something I intended on putting myself through. I was forced to put things into perspective: three days or the rest of my life?

With that I let my breath steadily slip from between my lips and opened my eyes once more. It wasn't that my fear was eradicated; inside my mind the emotion remained, but now I found the tenacity to force it from my eyes. Somehow, thanks to my reality check, I'd developed a whole new attitude towards the situation. In fact, I'm sure when I say there was no longer a single remnant of doubt present in my mind, and for that I felt notably more determined. Apparently this was evident in my expression, as I saw that Edward bore a new look of satisfaction. On seeing this, I gave him what I hoped was an encouraging smile, followed by a simple nod. Edward grinned back in reassurance. Unremarkably, this triggered butterflies to flutter furiously in my stomach. Only this time the butterflies weren't an effect of his magnificence, but rather that I knew this simple smile meant his approval: he was as ready as I was.

For a split second, Edward seemed to deliberate something. My eyes widened in question. But I can only assume he succumbed to the notion, since quite abruptly, Edward lurched towards me. I froze, not knowing what to expect. But his lips' destination was–to what I admit was my relief–higher than my throat. By now, he was kissing me, his jaw surprisingly loose, with the sort of untamed passion he allowed only on occasion. It was as if he was determined to do all he could to make the most of our last human to vampire moment. Or perhaps he saw it as the least he could do to make up for his "crime"; as he regarded what he was about to "commit".

Something about the kiss lost me the control I was fighting to keep over my emotions, and by the time Edward pulled away my eyes had begun, inadvertently, to well with tears. Now I only willed him to get this over with quickly. Seeing this, he anxiously drew in breath, adjusting his expression to one of concentration. Then, hesitantly, his eyes still firmly fixated on mine, he started down towards my throat. My heart pounded in my chest, as if straining to achieve one last burst of activity before the inevitable end of its beating. As Edward levelled himself with the front of my pale and all-too-fragile neck, he seemed to struggle to tear his gaze from my own. I suppose he was thinking that the moment he did was the moment he had looked for the last time into those same, innocent, _human_ eyes he had grown so accustomed to.

Now focusing only on the area which was his intended target, Edward drew back his lips to reveal his fang-like teeth; fatal, as firsthand experience was soon to ascertain. Cautiously, he leant toward me, tilting his head to one side and opening his jaw to position it in a way that was able to reach around my neck. His cool breath on my skin came to a sudden halt, sending a shiver down my spine. I closed my eyes, bracing myself. Then, as a single–and what would be my last–tear spilled over onto my cheek, I felt the icy penetration of Edward's fangs sinking smoothly through the surface of my own, easily punctured skin.


	2. The Inevitable

The Inevitable

In the next few seconds my mind was so bombarded with irrational concepts that it seemed my whole day's quota of thought process must have been used up in those seconds alone. My over-analysis was ridiculous. When at first I didn't feel any pain, I questioned whether any venom had entered my veins at all. I'm ashamed to admit that for a moment I considered the possibility that Edward had purposely failed to fulfil his duty. But angry at myself for even contemplating the idea of him letting me down, I hastily dismissed it. All the same I found myself paranoid, immediately jumping to other premature conclusions: _What if it hasn't worked? What if I'm immune to Edward's venom like I am his telepathy? _At least, that is, until Iremembered I was only exempt from powers relating to the mind. Regardless, I couldn't suppress the wave of panic which rushed instinctively through me.

Underneath, I think a part of me recognised that my concerns were irrational. But with literally my entire future resting on this moment, it was only natural that I would be feeling the pressure. Still, any thought of the possibility of failure frightened me.

But my panic was unnecessary. Sure enough, I began to feel a peculiar warm sensation growing in my throat. It was almost like I was drinking a strong liquor, except that instead of the sensation receding, it settled, developing into an uncomfortable smoulder. And as I next discovered, it only took a second for that smoulder to turn into a rampant, full blown fire.

Edward looked in anguish at my suffering; I knew it destroyed him to know that he had caused it. Ironically–although equally daft–, I vaguely wished _I_ could comfort _him_. He held me tightly to his chest, but I was too immersed in my own pain to comprehend the anxious flow of condolences he whispered in my ear.

Nevertheless, with the pain came contentment. Logical or not, the fact was Edward was now a part of me; not just psychologically, but physically too. Soon, his very own venom would be spread throughout _my_ very own body. Edward would flow through my veins, literally.

It was with this thought that my surroundings started to blur and I felt myself becoming more and more distant from reality. The darkness was appealing; I took its invitation to overwhelm me gladly. As I slipped from consciousness, Edward still held me protectively in his arms. It was strange to think that before long I would no longer depend on his protection. After all, the next time I opened my eyes, my vulnerability would be a thing of the past.


End file.
